Me, on-stage in front of 700 people. No anxiety. No stress. Only brief meditation.

Friendly Eyes through Meditation

Blugh. Meditation. Not for me! Or so I thought.

When I walked to the Topsport Community Event in the Jumbohal in Veghel, I was completely unaware of the promise I’d make to myself later that day. In the daily hassle with my overly filled agenda and even bigger todo-list and mailbox, I wasn’t able to actually read the invite. I saw a message coming in from Pieter van den Hoogenband, and when Pieter organises an event, you just better make sure that you are there because you can be certain your brain is tickled on all kinds of topics with regards to leadership.

I sat down, and Colette Cloosterman- van Eerd started talking and took us on a journey on how she became more effective in her work and personal life. Then Jackie Reardon entered the stage. She was talking about Friendly Eyes. To be honest, I was was still completely in the dark what this was all about, until… Wait.. is this about meditation?

Gosh. I’m an idiot. This is so not for me. I’m way too hyperactive and practical to sit down and spend 15 minutes a day on doing nothing. I have 4 kids, a dog, sheep, chickens, a lot of friends, quite a responsibility at my job and a tonne of hobbies that I’m never able to finish anything in. Why would I commit to spending 15 minutes a day, for three whole months, doing nothing…

Well on the other hand, it can’t harm to sit this one out and at least understand a bit better what it’s about. I’m usually quite openminded, and since I’m convinced that every sign of discomfort is an opportunity for growth, I decided to stick to the course and participate as well as I could.

You either do something, or you don’t, but doing it half doesn’t bring you anything, right?

So there I was. Sitting next to a hundred or so people, doing some meditation practices.

That actually felt good

There were a couple of things in this initial session that stood out and drew me to making the commitment to myself to accept this challenge.

1. Pieter told us about Flow-state. A state in which you are so focussed, nothing around you matters. It’s you, and what needs to be done. The rest doesn’t matter.
   This was inspiring. I knew this state from my programming days. Hours flew by and I was able to move mountains. Somehow my new job as a manager of future technology comes with so much ‘noise’ that it’s incredibly hard to get into that zone. I wanted to experience this again, or be able to summon it again at my demand.
2. I believe we did two individual exercises. The first one was to watch your breathing for a couple of minutes and try to slow it down. The second one was do the same, however we had to go back into the company building and prevent speaking with anyone or looking them in the eyes.
   It was a remarkable experience that I was able to meditate even while I was among people. In public! No one knew I was only focussing on my breath, and when I came back I noticed that for a moment my inner voice didn’t experience time, space, priorities or anything else. For a moment it was just me and something I always carried with me, my body and all of its senses.
3. What was it with meditation that I had such an aversion for? There must be something. Was I condemning it because I associated it with inactivity and thus no productivity? Did it have too much of a spiritual association with it and was I afraid to be sucked in to some sort of tree hugging ritual? Where did my aversion come from?
   As I’ve mentioned, any sign of discomfort is an opportunity for growth. I couldn’t stand that I found myself in discomfort without a good reason for it. Clearly the exercises did something for me, why not give it a chance to explore where the growth lies?
4. Kobe Bryant. Take a look at the video below. What you see is Kobe Bryant completely ignoring Chris Rock who’s trying to make him laugh. You can actually see Kobe — the GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) basketball player — meditating here. He’s focussing on his air intake, feeling cold air rushing in through his nostrils all the way to his longues, and warm air rushing out. Completely in the moment. Completely in himself. Not focussing on the score, nor funny people. Back to basics, back to himself.
   If he can block the world, then so could I. Perhaps if I’d learn these techniques, lean in to them and apply them with faith, I could also be more effective and less obstructed with what all other people think of me before one of my own ‘big games’. Little did I knew, not much later I found myself presenting in front of 700 people and two weeks thereafter in front of 600 people, applying this exact technique. It prevented me from becoming overly bothered with what others could think. It made me strong and gave me focus on performing on-stage, on topics that I knew by heart.

Kobe, the GOAT does it. And no, I’m not talking about the wool his socks are made of.

Friendly Eyes

So what are these friendly eyes about? In order to be able to meditate, you’ll go through several phases. The actual practice of meditation is one of the easiest things in life. It’s becoming aware of super subtle sensations in your body. You can rub your fingers together and observe those sensations. You can breathe and observe those sensations. Or even walk slowly and observe everything you feel.

At the same time, it’s one of the hardest things in life. Because you’re in an agreement with yourself. You focus on that, and that alone, for the coming 10 minutes or so. And you’re doing it every day. For three months. It takes an incredible amount of determination to do something so stupidly simple for so many hours.

Soon, you’ll become overly frustrated with yourself. You want to focus on that breathing, but your mind is drawn to all kinds of places. Something tickles. You hear the clock. Your mind wanders off and suddenly feel your shoes. You think of solutions for work or at home. Or are frustrated because you have hundreds of reasons to do something else that feels like a priority over this one.

And that’s the thing. Being true to a promise you’ve made with yourself and prioritise it, is extremely more difficult than being true to a promise you hold to someone else. So be kind to yourself and persist. Be true to your own promise. And when your mind wanders off, that’s okay, it happens, but as soon as you notice draw it back to the promise you had with yourself. Don’t judge. Just go back. Soon you’ll teach your own brain, that absolute silence or a focus on something very simple and seemingly stupid, can be one of your greatest sources of regaining self-control and balance.

Special thanks to the Topsport Community, Colette Cloosterman-van Eerd, Pieter van den Hoogenband and Jackie Reardon